Mixed Emotions (Beth)

Rebecca’s CI surgery is only a little more than a week away, it’s hard to believe.  For so long it seemed so far away, and yet here it is.  The surgery itself we are told will be approximately 6-1/2 to 7 hours, and they will need an additional hour to perform a ERG test on her eyes, so she will be sedated for 8 hours.  This is going to be a tough 8 hours, certainly the toughest 8 hours of our lives, but we’ll get through it and Rebecca will be ok, she is in the best hands at Children’s Hospital.


Rebecca will be one year old next month, another thing that is  hard to believe!  I think of her future birthdays as being very bittersweet.  While I will enjoy watching her grow, and watching her blow out her candles every year, we will also be another year closer to the inevitable.  In one way I wish I didn’t know so early, as to what was going on with Rebecca.   I don’t remember much of the past year, not the good stuff any ways.  I keep looking back at pictures to remind myself.  I feel like I was robbed of enjoying Rebecca as a baby.  I spent SO MUCH of this past year in tears, in shock, in complete devastation.  I wish I had taken the time to enjoy more of it, and if I hadn’t have known I would have been able to.  I wish I could get that time back, but I can’t.  That is why I am trying so hard to not be so sad, because I’m just going to be losing time.  I am looking forward to Rebecca’s first Christmas, and to her surgery being behind us.  I can’t wait to see Rebecca and Reagan on the first Christmas they have together, it’s going to be the best!  And then on January 10th, Rebecca will hear!  What an amazing day that will be!  So we have some pretty great things to look forward to, and I am so grateful for them.


  1. Hugs and prayers to you and your family Beth. You are one amazing mama!


  2. Cindy Lacourse · · Reply

    Beth, we are keeping all of you in our prayers. Live each day to the fullest. There is no promise of tomorrow for any one of us. Love you all!


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